Funerals are sad and difficult in whatever country you are in, that is a fact. Saying goodbye is never easy, no matter how happy you may be that your loved one is finished running the race, as St. Paul says, and is now enjoying eternal happiness, God willing. It is beautiful, though sad, to see the different ways different cultures have in saying their final goodbye upon this earth. I remember my mother telling me how people used to be waked in the family home for several days years ago in America. Here in the Philippines, it is still that way.
Florencio was born on September 23, 1934 here in Borongan. He met his wife, Lydia, here and they wanted to start a family right away. Unfortunately, the first baby was stillborn. So Florencio, who was not a very prayerful man, said to his wife, "Let's pray together for a family." And they did. They asked God to grant them a child and they would offer that child back to Him. Well, it was the will of God, indeed, to grant Florencio and Lydia a family. In fact, they proceeded to have 9 children, 7 boys and 2 girls. With each boy, Florencio sent them to the seminary school and each boy said yes, I will become a priest, but after going to college, each boy met and fell in love with a girl and got married. It was the last boy, Ryan, who came along quite unexpectedly, and who also promised his mother he would become a priest, who actually did, in fact, become a priest. In fact he was ordained just a few years ago. It must have been quite a joyous occasion, to say the least, for Florencio and Lydia.
Quite unexpectedly, Florencio became very sick in early September of this year and on September 24th, one day after his birthday, he died. He was embalmed and then waked in his home for 9 days. Because Florencio's son is a priest, each day a different priest has gone to their home to say mass. I am told that is the custom for the people who have a priest in the family or who are very wealthy and can afford to pay a priest to come each day to say mass. Otherwise, in the nine day wake, mass is said one day by the parish priest. Yesterday, on October 2nd, I went with the Oikos Sisters to Fr. Ryan's family home with Fr. Julius, another priest here in the diocese, and Fr. Julius said mass in the home with some of Florencio's family present. There were flowers everywhere, pictures of the family and, of course, the casket in which Florencio lay under glass for protection and respect. For me, it seemed like a funeral home, so it didn't feel very different from the wakes in the U.S. But I imagine if I had known the family well and had been to their house often, it would have seemed quite unusual to have a casket and a wake in the living room! It also seems like it would be difficult to wake a beloved family member in your home for nine days. That is pretty long! It's not that I would want to rush things along, but, for me, wakes and funerals are very sad and tearful times, and prolonging the time when you can put your loved one "to rest" seems sort of harsh to me. Imagine going to bed, eating meals, cleaning your home with a casket right there! I mean no disrespect, but it sort of skeeves me out.
Today we are going to the funeral mass and possibly to the graveyard. Another difference in the Philippines than in the U.S. is that people are not buried underground. They have a cement casing placed over the casket with a cross on each one. It looks quite strange to be driving by a cemetery here and see all of the caskets above ground. It is also very crowded!! Unfortunately, during powerful typhoons, the casings are knocked over by the wind and sometimes the caskets are blown open. After Typhoon Yolanda, they just buried the skeletons all together that were forced from their resting place by the wind and the flooding. Sr. Clarissa said they are just beginning here to bury their dead, but it is a new custom and will take some time to change.
In honor of Florencio and Lydia, who did suffer the loss of their first baby, I just want to say that October is Miscarriage and Infant Loss Month. I have mentioned before that I have 6 little nieces and nephews in heaven, each one is loved and missed by our whole family. I do not know the pain of losing a baby, whether before birth or after, but I do know the piercing pain of seeing someone you love suffer through that loss and for myself, the pain of losing, and not knowing, loving, kissing, snuggling that new and blessed child of God. If you have ever suffered a miscarriage or the loss of an infant, I want to express my deepest sympathy and sorrow for your loss. If you know people who are going through such a loss, it is best, in my experience, to be loving, patient, respectful of their need for time and space, be available for what they might need, and always remember. Someone once told me that grieving is as individual as fingerprints, everyone goes through it differently. There is no uniform process or time frame for grieving. Thursday, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. You can participate, if you wish, in the "Wave of Light" by lighting a candle in your window at 7pm for an hour in your time zone for all of the little ones in heaven, sending the light of our love and remembrance to them. I will be lighting a candle at that time in the Philippines!!
None of us know the day nor the hour when we will die. The bible tells us it will come like a thief in the night, with out warning, so be prepared! I have considered my own mortality in doing the work that I do. It is something we all should think about, the state of our souls and our readiness to meet God. Not to sound morbid or anything, but I have accepted the fact that my time may come while in the missions. My thoughts about it have not been depressing or scary as you might think, but joyful as I imagine and hope that I will be greeted, upon my death, by Franklin, Benjamin, Gabriel, Jacinta, Max and Anthony, and I will be able to spend my eternity, God willing, knowing, loving, kissing and snuggling them!
Please pray for the soul of Florencio, and all of our beloved dead. xxoo
