JOY!!!

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy.

I awoke and saw that life was service.

I acted and behold, service was joy."

The above quote is by Rabindranath Tagore, a philosopher and reformer who lived in Calcutta at the turn of the 20th century and won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913.When I saw this quote, it struck me quite stunningly how accurate this is in my life. 

We all have dreams...not the kind we have during sleeping, but dreams of our future, hopes for what is to come.  Our dreams, although all unique from each others, mostly all culminate to reach one goal...joy.  JOY... it is one of those words that immediately produces feelings of what that word means inside of us.  Even just writing it now...joy...my heart is beating faster and I am happy!!  Although I do have to say that my grandmother once had a doctor named Dr. Joy, who she said was anything but joyful(!!!),  but it's not even a proper exception because my gram was able to see the joy in the situation enough that she wrote a story about it... My Joy Story.  Another story for another time...

But in dreaming of joy our thoughts generally turn towards physical things... being healthy, successful, having money, the perfect home, living every day three feet off the ground on "cloud 9"... I don't really know where the phrase "cloud 9" came from... why do I immediately think it is a happy place and are clouds 1-8 sad??  I tried to google it, but couldn't find who coined the phrase.  Anyways, I digress... prior to June 2014, my dreams were all leading to those places too.  I saw "joy" as a place I would get to after years of work, that one day I would transcend joy.  I felt little pockets of joy, experienced moments of it, but it always seemed to be elusive... the harder I tried to grab on to it, the more quickly it would vanish in front of me.  The brutal pain and hardships of life would bounce me off of cloud 9 and back into our atmosphere of reality...as if joy is an illusion, just a dream, not meant to be part of our realm. 

In 2014, I feel like I awoke for the first time when I went to Ghana, Africa.  I met a woman whose life was service...and, man, it looked hard!!  It was hard.  It was all the things I thought it would be.  I actually said no to going to Africa a few times before finally saying yes because my thoughts of what I would encounter in the third world scared me.  Heat, bugs, lizards, snakes, separation from all that I knew and people I loved...and you know what...it was all of those things.  Hot...the stinky, sticky kind of heat that you rarely get freedom from, bugs and creepy crawly creatures that still make me shiver and scratch my arms and legs even though I am thousands of miles away from them now.  And not only all of that, but sadness and pain too.  The pain of seeing children abandoned, of seeing people starving, of seeing families living in squalor with no dignity or safety.  It would seem that awaking to a world such as this would encite feelings quite the opposite of joy...agony, hopelessness, anguish. 

But from the first moment I picked up that first child and held him, clothed him, made him smile...I felt joy.  Not a joy achieved from something benign, not a joy that is of this world, but joy that for the first time in my life I felt from the tips of my toes to my bursting heart.  And this joy stayed!!  It did not vanish or escape me, but perhaps that is because I didn't try to grab on to it... it wasn't about me.  For the two weeks and three months I served in Ghana to the weeks in Peru to the 5+ months in the Philippines, I found the more I gave and the more I served others, the more joy I felt.  The pocket of joy I would sometimes slip into became an ocean I swam in every day.  The more I gave of myself, the more I served the poor, the more joy I felt.

There is true joy in service.  I think, for me, it is because when I am surrounded by so much need, I am the last person I think of!  The needs and the concerns of others takes precedence and any thoughts I have for my own well being are forgotten.  You may shudder at such a thought, however that is where the quintessential joy we are all searching for comes from.  You see the joy returned to you from a person who is loved and cared for, sometimes for the first time ever, and that is multiplied 100 fold inside you.  It almost seems impossible to contain such joy...but it is that treasury of joy that fuels you for more service.  It is why I can go to a third world country and face all of my fears, shrug when I see a mouse in my bedroom, go pee along side the car in the middle of a highway, be thousands of miles away from the family I swore I never could leave, and much more.  It is why I am chomping at the bit to return to the Philippines and continue my work of service.

I know that Rabindranath Tagore did not write this poem for me... but I thank him from the bottom of my joyful heart that he wrote it for it explains something I have been trying to put into words for 2 years now.  By the way, you don't have to go to a third world country to feel this kind of joy.  The Good Lord knows there are many, many people in need right here in our home country, our neighborhoods, possibly even in our own families.  Do the service...feel the joy...never stop!!!  xxoo

Better Late than Never!!!!!

I have to apologize for being such a poor blogger!  Dropping out of sight must break the blogging cardinal rule number one!!  So, I am sorry for my negligence. 

I have returned from the Philippines and have been reunited with my family and friends.  My last few weeks in Borongan were busy and fun.  The Joliet Mission was completely amazing!!  51 volunteers from all around the world gathering in the Philippines to bring their time and love to the poorest of the poor.  Simply amazing!!

Here are some of the highlights...

There was an awesome outreach team that I joined in going to a few barrios to do feeding programs in.  I may have mentioned this before, but many people in the barrios in Eastern Samar only eat once a day.  In going to the barrios to feed the people, we gave them not only sustenance, but also a sense of community and love, not to mention some fun with songs and games.  The Joliet Mission Outreach Team was amazing!!

 

The Diocese of Joliet also had a dental mission.  They were completely amazing!!  I had the pleasure of being able to help out the dentists doing what Sister Clarissa is doing in one of the photos... sanitizing the instruments using a pressure cooker.  Although there were many scared patients, the doctors and hygienist worked really hard to calm nerves and most people were very happy when their appointment was over.  There was only one screamer that I can remember!!  The big photo in the middle is one of my favorites... the barrio boys were curious about what the dentists were doing and spying in the window.  Super cute!!  The generosity and love of the dental team was easy to see... they would even pray with the patients before they began the work.  It was an honor to work with them.

 

 
Every day during the mission, we began the day with mass at the hospital.  Most of the missioners would join the sisters for mass before beginning their day.  That was mostly the only time I had a connection with the medical and construction teams.  I was grateful for the days we spent over the weekend where all the missioners were invited to join the sisters in serving the poor and having fun at the same time.  Above we went to a barrio to the north of Borongan and brought food for lunch, food packs for the families and games with us.  We sang songs with the people and we all had such a great day. 

The pictures below are of the Sunday morning baseball game on Byby beach.  It is one of the only times the Oikos kids play baseball all year long, they await the day with much anticipation and talk about it all year long!!



All in all... it was an amazing mission!!  Thank you to the 51 wonderfully talented and generous missionaries who came to Borongan in 2016!!!  Can't wait for next year!!! (hint)

To God be the Glory!!!!!



A Vocation Story

I love hearing people's stories... what has made them into the people they are.  I enjoy hearing how married couples met, how old timers grew up, how people decided to go into the field of their studies.  It is so interesting to me to hear of the many experiences and twisty roads that led people to this very moment.  My favorite stories are vocation stories of priests and sisters.  These stories are so interesting because I would say that most people who enter the religious life don't dream of it while they are little, but a specific event or person in their lives alters their course forever, and usually the stories invoke tingly feelings of goose bumps all up and down my skin.  Such was the case of the vocation story of Sr. Clarissa Abella, one of the Oikos Sisters.

Sister Clarissa was the youngest of 4 children in her family.  She grew up in Borongan, Eastern Samar in the Philippines.  I'm not sure what Clarissa wanted to be when she was little, but I think she always liked being adventurous.  Once when she was young she helped fishermen catch fish on the beach.  People gather on the beach and grab onto the end of a huge net and pull.  It seems like it would be very strenuous work.  At the end, everyone who helped received a fish.  Clarissa's parents were not too happy to hear of her helping as it could be dangerous... but she smiled as she pulled the big fish from behind her back.  Even though she helped to provide dinner for that day, I don't think Clarissa's parents ever let her do that again.  Clarissa excelled in sports and had an amazing ear for music.  Although she never took a single lesson, she learned how to play the piano and guitar brilliantly!!

 

One thing happened in Clarissa's childhood that started her on the path to the religious life, although at the time she had no idea of it.  As is the case now, when Clarissa was young there were many orders of nuns in Borongan.  One of those orders was the Sisters of the Visitation.  Clarissa remembers very well the day she saw one of the sisters, a white woman from Italy.  Immediately upon seeing her, Clarissa's mind was filled with questions... who is this woman? why is she here?  why would a white woman be in the Philippines?  The questions nagged at Clarissa until she finally had the courage to approach the sister and introduce herself.  Despite the fact that the sister didn't speak Waray waray, the dialect spoken in Borongan, Clarissa felt a pull to know more about this woman.  As the sister went about her work visiting the sick, Clarissa accompanied her and sort of paved the way for this sister to do her work.  It amazed Clarissa that a woman not from her town would care for the people there.  It had such a powerful impact on Clarissa's heart, and even to this day she remembers with loving fondness the white sister who had the courage and love to care for people not of her land.

As the years went by, Clarissa grew strongly in her Catholic faith.  She became a member of a charismatic group and her love of music grew by leaps and bounds.  She chose to study pharmacy in school, and her father had dreams of a medical clinic and pharmacy store as he had one daughter studying to be a doctor and another studying pharmacy.  Yet, always in Clarissa's mind was the white sister and a nudging to follow in her footsteps.  At one point, Clarissa left school and took all of her belongings to the Visitation Sister's convent, intending to join their order.  However the concerns and tears of her mother called her back to the family and back to pharmacy school.  The struggle between following the call she was sure God was giving her and being obedient to her parents was an extremely difficult one for Clarissa.  In the end, she decided to honor her mother and father and finish school.  However, upon the completion of her schooling, another struggle ensued when she was offered a job and the tears of her mother begged her to take the job, find security and financial stability and help her family.  Visions of a cool home in the city and the perfect car filled Clarissa's head, but were decidedly dashed when she realized that that life was not what God wanted for her.  Her whole life was laid out in front of her... a job, a home, a car... all it would take was a simple yes.  But Clarissa's yes, her fiat, was ultimately to God.

It was not a decision her family approved of, and the life God called her to, one of poverty in following the life of St. Francis, was not anything they could understand.  Even the strong ties with her friends were stretched, and almost broke under the strain of the radical choice Clarissa made.  It almost seemed too much, to go against family and friends, to not have the support of the people she loved most... I would think most people would give in to the familial and societal pressure placed upon them.  However, Clarissa felt firm in her decision, and she was not without

support.  Three other women shared Clarissa's deep conviction that God was calling them to help the poor by embracing a life of poverty themselves.  Led by Minerva Bagas, Ethel Amidao and Aileen Elpedes  joined Clarissa to come to the aid of their poverty-stricken people.  And, under the guidance of Bishop Leonardo Medroso, their religious order Oikos Ptochos Tou Theou, The Poor Household of God, was born.

It wasn't an easy road God paved for them.  The difficulties and challenges they faced were many, but holding firm to their calling and to their fervent trust in God, they allowed themselves to be led by the Holy Spirit... and He led them these 20 years helping so many people, you'd think there were 50 sisters in their order!! 

Sometimes we can get caught up in our past.  We think about a certain period in our life and consider it a waste of time or a mistake.  However, I believe that God doesn't allow waste, He doesn't make mistakes.  If we truly allow ourselves to be guided by His will, all things work out for His glory, no matter how out of synch we feel.  A perfect example of that is Clarissa's schooling.  One of the things her family couldn't understand is why Clarissa would "throw away" a perfectly good career she worked so hard to achieve in school.  Well, the Oikos Sisters are involved in many ministries, and one of those happens to be a charity pharmacy, where any poor

 person can go to receive free medications.  I have seen the relieved faces of many poor people who couldn't imagine how they would be able to afford the medications they or their children needed.  I have handed over medications and fumbled through the instructions in their dialect and was the recipient of many hugs and blessings for my time and help... thanks to God and His plan for Sister Clarissa's life.

Sister Clarissa's joyful exuberance and love of her work is almost tangible and is contagious!!  Her vitality and love of God is clear in His reflection in her eyes and the work she does.  Along with her fellow sisters, and newest sister Michelle Ureta, she embodies the Gospel... they all live it every day. 

Sister Clarissa is honoring her deceased family members

on All Soul's Day

 I said in the beginning how much I love vocation stories of priests and sisters, and one of the reasons is that with each one,
I learn something of myself and my own relationship with God... did you learn anything about yours?  xxoo

Still Growing and Learning!!!

There are a few qualities I have found here that seem to be inherent in most Filipinos I have met, qualities that I find endearing and very positive. 

... Respect... You know, many of the people I know have respect for others, but sometimes it is difficult to see it.  In the way we act and the words we say, we can easily be disrespectful, perhaps without even realizing it.  My first impression from the children here was how respectful they are.  Even before they really knew me, the moment they first met me, they all took my hand and raised it to their foreheads.  It is a request for a blessing. From that moment to this one, anytime I have seen a child or scholar who belongs to Oikos, they have done this to me, and some of the neighborhood children too.  And it is not something only children do, but adults also bow and request a blessing for anyone they feel they should be respectful to.  The sisters do it to their benefactors, priests, the bishop and others.  Sometimes both parties bow for a blessing... it seems that whoever gets lower is the winner, but you have to watch that you don't bump heads!!  I respect many people back home and I try to show my respect for them in how I act towards them, but I never saw such an open and consistent display of respect, that is an act of humility as well, by the way. 

...Self-esteem... There is no doubt in my mind that many of the Filipino people I have met are very shy.  Na awod ak means I'm shy, and I hear it a lot!!  But the scholars have a great sense of self-esteem in themselves.  It is not prideful, though, it is more a humble display of the gifts God has given them and seen as an opportunity to give back to God what has been given.  At every party, ordination, ceremony, etc we have gone too over the past 5+ months, there has been a program in which people display their talents in a program for all to see.  It is like they have talent shows all the time.  There is always a lot of dancing, singing and playing musical instruments.  Now I have to say that I do not have very good self-esteem.  It seems I am always putting myself down, and I never really realized how often I did it until I came here.  Sister Clarissa is always trying to get me to sing and I am always trying to avoid doing just that... without much success!  No matter how many times the kids tell me I have a good voice, I deny it and talk about my brothers who have amazing voices.  For this mission, we have one night that the missioners come over to our home for mass and dinner, and a program of course.  I have been put in with the women missioners who will be performing a dance.  The kids faces light up when they see me dance, and despite my claims of clumsiness and awkwardness, they tell me I am a great dancer... but I have a hard time believing that.  When I speak Wary wary, the people around me often laugh, and I see it as making fun of me, that I am saying the words all wrong, however, they tell me laugh because they are so happy that I am speaking their language.  I am trying to be more Filipino in this respect.   I am trying to get out of my own head and just enjoy the experiences that come my way.  To sing and dance and have fun when the opportunity comes along.  It's hard, but I'm trying!!

...Capturing Moments...  It is a rare moment here when someone is not taking a picture, either of something that is going on or a selfie.  And when others see a camera out, they shout wait! wait! and run to be able to be in the shot.  For someone who sees herself as not very photogenic, this is a bit of an issue!!  I always tend to be in the back of shots and usually try to skip out of them all together.  It's not a problem in the States, where no one I really know is camera-happy.  But here??  I have been photographed more here than I have ever in my entire life, possibly in the lives of all of my brothers and sisters put together!!! And at important occasions, power point presentations are made of all the pictures and videos of the celebrant.   However, there is such joy among these Filipinos as they have their pictures taken, and almost always they say thank you after for taking the shot.  It's not about conceitedness or anything like that, it is more about celebrating the moments of life, even the mundane ones.  It's about capturing the joy of togetherness.

I think the people in the Philippines are generally joyful people.  Despite poverty, typhoons, the intense heat and other calamities that tend to get people down, these people are able to rise above it and live in the joy of life.  I'm not saying they don't have problems and don't have bad days... they do.  But even amid those things, they are able to seek out joy.  It is a lesson for me.  To find  happiness in the mundane and exciting moments of life, to express it and capture it, to share my happiness and see the domino effect of joy radiating in others as a result of my exuberance.