I really can't go anywhere without being followed and questioned by someone! The other day we delivered piglets to Tacla-on, a barrio in the south that is a part of the Piglet Livelihood program. After the noisy delivering fun, we went to this rocky beach for lunch. They tell me it was more beautiful before Typhoon Yolanda, but it was very beautiful anyways, in my humble opinion. There are stone paths all along the water and beautiful stone bridges. We couldn't walk the entire path because Yolanda had destroyed so much of the stone path and some of it still needs to be repaired. But the part we were able to access was lovely!
At one point, I decided to sit by myself by the water, to talk with God. You know, the Sisters live a prayerful life. We attend morning mass, then pray Morning Prayer once back at home, we pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day at 3pm, Angelus and the Rosary at 6, followed by Evening Prayer and we pray night prayer at 9pm, along with praying before and after each meal. Finding time for prayer is never a problem, finding time for personal prayer and meditation with God... that's another story. I know I could get up a little earlier, and perhaps I should, or I could stay up a little later to pray by myself with God. I am selfish with my sleeping time! But finding time in the day to sit and listen to God seems impossible! Our days are really jammed packed with work. And it is not as though I have no rest time during the day, I just never know how long it will be. So, I will start praying and then be interrupted and have to go somewhere.
Anyways, I was sitting by the water alone at the rocky beach, trying to speak with God when some children approached me. This is not uncommon. The kids here tease me that I am the most popular person in the Philippines!! So, the kids come over and start asking questions... what is your name, where are you from, how old are you (a question EVERYONE asks!!!) what music do you like... it goes on and on. Whenever I think, Oh, some alone time!! it gets interrupted. And I am happy to speak to people, to answer questions and to give my time to whoever... but I do need time for myself to speak with and more importantly, to listen to God.
A few years ago, this probably wouldn't have bothered me. My usual time for praying to God was when I was driving through a snow storm or others or myself was going through some personal crisis. I did go to the Eucharistic Adoration chapel at times, which was beautiful, but didn't happen often enough. I didn't think I needed separate time for God. Oh, how wrong I was!!
Here I am thirsty for it. I am longing to hear God speak to me, to tell me if this is the place for me or not. I am learning here to be flexible and be able to jump up and go at a moment's notice... but for my life, I'd like a game plan... is that too much to ask? But I will never receive the plan if I do not listen to the One who makes the plans! I just cried out to God the other day... God, how I miss spending time with you! I know you are so close, but you feel so far away. I just want a little time to talk to you alone, to try to quiet my brain and try to listen to you.
Guess what... He gave me that time! You know, I don't know why God is so good to me, but He is. Every Thursday is bonding day for the sisters. They have a holy hour, that if full of prayers, song and quiet time. The sisters invite me into their holy hour, which I greatly appreciate!! Then, after lunch, they usually have a meeting and formation of their own, during which time I am on my own and usually have planning or office work to do. Well, yesterday was supposed to be a quick meeting because everyone had a lot to do. So since the plan was to have just a quick meeting after lunch, I didn't bring anything with me to do during that time. Wouldn't you know that everything the sister's had planned for the afternoon was cancelled or rescheduled??? So, I am in my room, unaware of the schedule changes, playing solitaire on my phone when it occurs to me that this would be good alone time with God. It ended up being almost 3 hours! I started praying, and the next thing I knew, it was almost 5:00 and Sister Clarissa was knocking on my door, apologizing for the long meeting... No need for that!!
I need to find regular time during the day to be alone with God. I need to listen to Him and learn from Him what He wants of me. But, I just felt like I got a divine hug yesterday, because I cried out to the Lord, and He answered me!! The things we read in the bible about asking and we will receive, about how God cares for the birds and flowers, how much more does He care for us... that is not just to take up space in the bible!! It's real and true!! And believe me, it's not because I am special that He answered me. It's because He loves me... and He loves you too! Ask, then listen!! Then give thanks to God!!! xxoo
