On the ride home from the Bishop's house today, Mary Clare and I were talking about all we had learned from Bishop Vincent about the family system in the current society. I find that I keep on wanting to give the African people American sentiments and lifestyles. I keep on combining the two cultures when they are completely different. I can study them both, find similarities and differences, but I cannot lay one over the other and expect them to meld.
In America, there are poor people, of course, there are unemployed people and those in serious need. But overall, Americans have what they need to survive. And, in most cases, help is available for those who will accept it. When your basic needs are met, it is natural to look around to see what else can be done or see to the wants that you have. In America, most parents are able to spend time with their children. In wanting them to get ahead and have a solid foundation on which to begin learning, I think most parents see spending time with their young children as an investment. Sometimes parents are in a position to be able to hire someone, a nanny for instance, to do that for them. Whether families have one or two incomes, hard work is a necessity on both the mother and the father, working outside of or in the home. But I think most families see child rearing and care as a priority. With that comes tenderness, love and protection.
In Africa, I have seen both men and women working, although, the Bishop described this society as patriarchal, meaning that the men have the power here. Women are seen as workers, in the fields, along the roadsides, at home, the majority of the work is done by women. This is another reason why polygamy has risen in Africa. Many wives means much work gets done. I have learned that children are seen as workers too. Many children are seen working alongside their mothers each day, and if they are not doing that, they are often seen left to their own devices. Since children now attend school, they are often busy afterwards in the farm or doing chores at home. You wouldn't believe the number of miles these women walk each day with laundry, groceries, food or water in bowls on their heads. It looks excruciating and must be completely exhausting. Since childcare is another task given solely to the women for the most part, it just becomes another job that must be done. Here in the north, most people fight all day to be able to have what they need to survive. Sentimentality does not seem to be a part of child rearing.
I may be making another mistake here by just going by what I have seen and what I learned from the Bishop. But I am seriously stuck in trying to understand how people in general, and women in particular, can give up their children. Right now there is a 3 year old girl here in serious need of good nutrition and care. Although 3 years old, she weighs close to what Ella weighs. She is here with her sister, who is about 17 years old. The sister is here to just help the little girl become comfortable before she leaves. She is very unemotional about her little sister and is looking forward to being able to leave. Once again, for the third time, there is a woman here who is leaving a child and is anxious to go. How? Maybe I am just driving myself in circles here trying to understand what is not understandable. Maybe I should just except what is happening and not worry about the why. However my foolish brain is stuck on this issue like record needle stuck on an old, scratched record. I can't seem to get beyond it. I am stuck in a culture ditch with no visible way out.
I just want these children to be loved by their mothers. I want their mothers to be ferocious about protecting their young. I want the fathers to stand up and be real men and make their wives and children their first priority. I am downtrodden by the lack of familial love here.
xo
