Sometimes I feel like a yo-yo. Going back and forth, to and fro, from the U.S. to the Philippines. Every time I get to Buffalo, settle in, get used to the life and movement there, it's time to go back to the Philippines. And it seems the same is true in the reverse. It's dizzying. And yet, I cannot imagine life without my family in America or without my family in Borongan. But then I flip the coin and see how incredibly lucky I am to have such beautiful people in my life, that I am, amazingly enough, given the means to travel and have people who love me in both places. The negative image of the yo-yo falls away in the face of all of those blessings. ...just some musings...
Anyways, I'm back in the Philippines and have noticed something. It's not really anything that's new to me. Sometimes I can see the same thing many times and at the 10th time I've seen it, I am moved in a particular way. Looking out of my hotel room this morning...(yes, the Oikos Sisters get a hotel room for me the day I arrive so I can rest from my travels and build up my strength from the weariness of moving half way around the world...more blessings)...anyways, looking out of my hotel room this morning, the first thing I saw was color. The amazing, vibrant, almost shocking color of the dock here in Tacloban, Western Samar in the Philippines. The boats are painted in a vast array of bright and eye-catching colors. Sitting in the port, as the early morning sunshine beams down and casts a reflection on the gently rippling crystal blue water, the colors of these boats are magnified, almost too pretty to look at. Then you notice the people, dressed in summery clothes in consideration of the humid Filipino heat, carrying baskets of fruits and vegetables to sell, pulling carts full of the same, hoping to sell enough to survive the day. And the birds, chittering and flying about, waiting for the perfect opportunity to grab a tidbit for themselves. It is a dazzling sight. Then, your eyes are almost blinded by the reflection of the morning sun on metal, tin to be exact. See, all along the beautifully colored dock with the beautiful people and birds, are tiny shacks with tin roofs. People, families, live in these tiny shacks along the road next to the sea. And once again I see the dichotomy of the world. How can beauty and destitution live so close to each other? How can something seen at 4 floors up look so peaceful and idyllic, and yet in reality, is bordering on death. And where do I fit in in all of this??
It seems, even on my second day here, I am face to face with a stark reality. What am I doing here? What is my purpose here?
You know, a few weeks ago, my mother had a dinner in which she invited me and my nieces and nephew who have been doing some missionary work (Passing on the torch!!!) to share about our missionary experiences. Anyways, after the stories about the work that we had all done, stories of hope and stories of sadness, a question was staring us all in the face. What's it all for? What difference did I make? If any???
I remembered a quote from St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, "We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less without that one drop."
Love. I came here to love. To live love. That's all. It's what we are all supposed to do wherever we are. To love one another. Whether it is in our hometowns or half way around the world, in the workplace or on vacation, we are called to love/. And when we do that, when love is the motivation for what we do, anything we do is enough. We may never know in this life what difference we made in the lives of others, in the world...but you can rest assured that when you act out of love, you do make a difference in someone's life, in the world, even in yourself! That's what it's all for!!! Xxoo
