Over the course of this blog, I have told you a little about my family. It's hard to share experiences
about myself without including them as they are such a big part of who I am. The truth is that I carry a piece of each of them with me as I work day in and day out in the missions, encountering new people and new situations almost daily. Each of my brothers and sisters has enlightened me and helped me to become a better person, and I thank God for them daily, practically by the minute!
Lisa has taught me about patience. She is the mother of 9 children, and I'm not sure if I ever heard her raise her voice! As I am writing this, I can almost see her rolling her eyes as she reads this, letting out a half-laugh, half-unbelief noise, however I know... I've seen for myself. When I find myself in the middle of a situation that is chaos-strewn and crazy, my natural inclination is to try to be louder than the loudest person to get everyone's attention... but it never works. I just add to the fray and become annoyed. Thinking of Lisa helps me to do just the opposite... to gently summon order, not raise my voice and it works just about every time. In a mission with many children and lots going on, one more person adding to the loud confusion solves nothing. But, the kids stop and try to listen to what I'm saying in a quiet voice... magic!!
When I feel overwhelmed by a situation or am faced with something new, I look to my sister Linda for help. Linda is the mother of 5 children who has tackled obstacles in her path many times over. Having children with food allergies, Linda learned about them forwards and backwards and has become a local spokesperson for families dealing with this scary disease. She remains connected with all new information regarding them and works tirelessly to try to make her kids' lives as normal as possible. When her husband Eric wanted to have a family band, Linda learned how to play the fiddle, in her 40's, with 5 children whom she homeschools, and she's a really good fiddler!! Many times in Africa and the Philippines I am asked to do something new, something I never thought I would ever do, sometimes something a little scary, and I think of Linda and how she perseveres for the good of others she loves, and I find myself able to do it. By the way, check out the Apen Family Band at www.apenfamily.com ... they are a totally cool bluegrass family band!!
Tom, who has 4 children, has taught me about protection. As my older brother, I have always felt protected by him. He isn't stifling or controlling, just a solid presence always, someone I know has my back if ever I would need it. I remember when my dad was admitted into the hospital on Good Friday quite a few years ago. I was with my mom in the waiting room trying to be reassuring and helpful to her. My dad turned out to be ok, but later when retelling the story, I remember her talking about being in the waiting room and completely worried and scared, but she said as soon as she saw my brother Tom, she knew everything would be ok. At first I was like, HEY!!! What am I?? But... I have to say that I've experienced being soothed by Tom's protective presence myself. I know if ever I should need him, he'll be there for me, and that gives me a great amount of freedom to do what I do.
For me, being on a mission brings all of my emotions front and center... close to the surface, and it results in feeling like I'm on a rollercoaster all. the. time. One minute I'm crying and the next, laughing, one minute happy and the next upset. And it's constant, larger than life emotions that are always in my face, not to mention exhausting. When I feel overrun by crazy emotions, I call on what I've learned from Tim. Tim is the father of 11 children and I have to say, of all the people I know, he's probably the steadiest. He's funny and knows how to have a good time, but especially when things get tense or seemingly out of control, he masters his emotions. In my experience, being emotional during tense situations is rarely... probably never... a good thing, and missionary work can be pretty tense. Instead of helping, emotions tend to get in the way and can make a bad situation worse. Many times while on a mission, I have summoned the calmness of Tim to help settle myself down so I can be of help.
I am blessed to have a brother who is a priest, as all of my siblings are. Mark has been of untold help to me in finding the path God wills for me. Also having spent a year in Belize in the missions, he has offered support and aid in a way only a fellow missionary can give. He is an amazing priest, and if you want a sample, his homilies are online at www.stmarystmark.org, so you can see for yourself!! In Amherst, NY a few years ago, a small airplane crashed into a home on a suburban street in the evening. Everyone on board the plane and one person in the home were killed, there were two survivors in the home. My brother Mark was at my parent's home not far from the scene in Amherst when there was a news bulletin about it on t.v. Immediately, although technically done with his work day, he went there and ministered to the people, and went with the families to the hospital. When it's been a long day here and I am aching for a bath and my bed, but something comes up, I think of Mark. He helps to remind me that the work I am doing is not about time clocks, it's about people, and serving them.
My sister Margaret has 6 children and is the only one of us whose home is not in Buffalo. I know from personal experience now how it feels to be away from home when there is a crisis going on. It isn't easy, and it's something Margaret has been dealing with for 13 years. Margaret has the ability to let the little things slip by her without comment and save her energy and time for the big things. It is a great virtue to have. Sometimes I can get wrapped up in little things. There is a whole, big, wide world of important things going on and I focus on the little thorn in my foot. Not every little thing requires attention or comment; Margaret is great at picking her battles. Sometimes, in the midst of a mission or task, I find myself faced with a problem or issue that doesn't need my involvement, some little annoyance that will fizzle out if only I can hold my tongue, look the other way, stay out of it. When I'm able to recognize those moments, I call on Margaret's wisdom to help me let go of the little things, because for darn sure there are some big doozies that require my whole attention and skill. Better to save myself for the big stuff!!
My youngest sister Anne has 1 child, two step children and twins on the way!! She has had some hard knocks, as many of us had. One thing Anne is really good at is being silly. I am totally serious when I say this. Some people, like me for instance, are very self-conscience and have a hard time getting over ourselves, shedding our inhibitions and just plain having fun. Many times, on this mission in particular, I have been in a situation where I had to be silly, act out crazily, sing into a microphone (I don't have a good voice :-( ...) and I had a really hard time letting go of my insecurities. It isn't the best thing to not sing, dance or act crazy when by not doing so, you kill the mood or end the fun. I'm not a dud, I know how to have a good time...on my terms. Guess what, my terms are not their terms!! When I am being asked to be silly for silliness sake, to join in the crazy fun, I think of Anne and I try my best to get over myself and join in the fray. Usually afterwards, I'm glad I did... until I see the video camera I didn't know was there!!! :o
There may have been some times in my past when my family thought I was out of my mind, but thankfully, now they are all supportive of me and what I feel God is calling me to. My brothers- and sisters-in-law are just as loving and supportive, as are my nieces and nephews. They help me every day to get through the difficult times and make the most of the good times.
Here is a picture of my family on the occasion of my dad's retirement taken just before I left for the Philippines:
first row: GGB, my mom, my dad, and Gramp
second row: Jason, Margaret holding Theo, Linda, Lisa, Anne, Lisa, Katie and me
third row: Fr. Mark, John, Eric, Jon, Tim and Tom
And this is one way my family has supported me... with cards, pictures, leaves from Buffalo during the fall... little ways of letting me know they are thinking of me and loving me:
So, I would just like to take this opportunity to thank my family, who was supportive to me from the start, loving and understanding, generous and always helpful. Without them, I don't think I'd be able to do all of this (I'm actually somewhat of a wimp!) Thank you, dear family!
A vocation from God is always a gift. If you have a family member considering and discerning a call from God to the priesthood, religious life, consecrated life or missionary life, I urge you to support and love them. And, most importantly, pray for them... keep praying for me too!! Thanks!! xxoo
