Did You Ever Have The Feeling...

My grandfather is famous for repeating the saying "Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go but still you had the feeling that you wanted to stay?"  I am feeling that right now, on the eve of my return to Ghana.

I have decided to go back to The Nazareth Home for God's Children for one year.

 I feel ready to go.  Back in January, I questioned the path I felt God was asking me to go down. I couldn't see how to accomplish it, what was He really asking me to do?  Maybe I still don't know the endgame, but I do know the next step.  I have given up most of my belongings, a surprisingly easy thing to do for me, and have committed myself to one year in Ghana.  I will be learning how to manage the orphanage, working with the staff and older children to bake things both for the kids and to sell on the roadside to help generate money for the orphanage, teaching and working with the children with special needs and helping Sister Stan with the secretarial work involved with running the orphanage.  I will be busy!!  I am either totally at peace with the thought of being there tomorrow, or I am in denial... either way I am not freaking out!!!

However, I also feel a sadness in going, that I want to stay with the wonderful people I have surrounding me in my life.  My family and friends... it seems so foreign to get up and leave for a year.  This detachment is harder.  Saying good bye to my family and close friends tonight was really difficult.  And the thought of something happening to them while I am away, too far away to be of any help to them, is almost crippling.  So I have that feeling of wanting to go and wanting to stay. 

In the end, it seems like a good place to be, though.  Looking forward to an exciting and challenging journey, and at the same time looking back at the people I love.  But I realize that the people I love support me and have my back so that I can go forward.  Their prayers and love will carry me through the difficult days, which I know I will face.  And they will be with me each day in my prayers for them. 

I am looking forward so much to seeing those beautiful little faces, now a little older, seeing their joy, holding them and loving them.  So, on I go, back to Africa, this time with a new traveling companion, Mary Clare O'Brien, a recent homeschooling high school graduate.  Back to Sister Stan and her children. 

Once again I find myself on the precipice of major change.  It is an exciting place to be!!  Next post will be from Ghana!!!!!  xo

In Summation...

Well, to sum up... wow!

 

 

 

I have been trying all week to come up with a reply when someone asks me how my trip to Africa was.  Because, my first thought is to say," How long have you got?". It seems impossible to come up with a word to say that would encapsulate all that I have experienced and felt.  In fact, I don't believe there is a word.  The closest I can think of is amazing...

 

It was amazingly hard.

 

It was so amazingly hard just to leave our county!!  I have so much appreciation for people who have to deal with international travel on a regular basis.  Maybe it becomes easier as you travel more, maybe you just get used to it and surrender to the insane process, but holy cannoli...it was really hard.

 

And life itself in Africa is hard, even outside of an orphanage.  Every convenience we have here in the States is nowhere to be found there.  No washing machines, driers, no dish washers, or grocery stores, no mega Walmart... or even a small one, no easy way to get the internet or TV, and no easy way to see doctors or get medical care... in short, it's us about 100 years ago, give or take a few things.  It's really hard.

 

It was hard living in the orphanage.  Living with those children who are in need of so much, seeing their pain and not being able to do much about it.  Living in that kind of poverty, well, even for a few days, it changes you and the way you look at everything.

 

It was amazingly beautiful.

 

The children are so beautiful, and the sisters, oh my.  What they have given up to be with these children, and how they care for them and how they pray, well never have I seen lives lived so beautifully.

 

African women dress so beautifully.  Even when they are farming, cooking, living their everyday lives, they wear these beautiful dresses of the most striking colors.  Rarely did I see a pair of jeans or shorts.  The people of Africa take such pride in their heritage.  It's really beautiful.

 

The landscape of Northern Ghana is pretty monochromatic.  It seems everything is a shade of brown.  But it is the dry season, and I'm told that in the rainy season, green becomes prevalent in the fauna of Africa.  But the trees, although mostly brown, are gnarly and grow in interesting ways that make you take a second look at them.  The homes in most of the villages we passed were brown clay homes with thatched roofs, but the mosques these Muslims build are so pretty, in colors of pale pinks, blues and yellows, they really stand out in the African landscape... beautiful!

 

It was amazingly gross.

 

Come on... you knew this was coming!!!  The flies were gross enough... but did you ever see an ant hill that was bigger than you???  Totally not kidding.  I almost put it in the beautiful part, but it's an ant hill... hello!!!  Gross!

 

You've probably heard enough about bucket baths.  And no running water... that leads to some pretty gross situations, believe me!  The chickens and goats everywhere (and their droppings), and there were some older children who could not be potty trained.  Oh, and did I ever mention that there is no garbage pick up?  No... well, they pile it all up and burn it, which doesn't help the gross smells all around there!  And what doesn't get burned stays along the side of the roads.  No laws against littering in Ghana!

 

It was amazingly surprising.

 

Surprising good in that I was surprised at what a pretty warm welcome we received from everyone we encountered.  Except for the children who stared at us as if we were from another planet... or ran up to us to try to wipe off our white skin!!

 

And surprising bad in the horrible condition of African education.  Can you even imagine a government not at all concerned with the education of their youth?  I was working with Samuel, a very smart boy about 14 years old who attended secondary school, on how to get on the internet and all that you can access on it.  When I asked if he wanted to see the earth from space, he asked what earth was, and what space was.  The school the younger children attend is a joke.  4 classrooms, 4 teachers, probably 2 or 3 grades per classroom and no books, no writing materials, no learning.  There was probably 60 kids in one classroom, and school is from about 8:30 to noon. There is really no attempt to end the cycle of poverty, no hope for a better future.

 

Another surprising thing was my reaction to all the grossness.  My mother loves to tell people of my hatred, and sometimes fear, of all things multi-legged.  Bugs, spiders, centipedes...I just cannot stand them!!!  She gets some kind of thrill in telling people... she even told Sister Stan (Yes, Mom...I know about that!!) and Sister told all the kids the first day we were there!!  But that's ok...admitting a problem is the first step to conquering it... well, either admitting it or being placed in an environment filled with such things and having to deal with it...baptism by bugs!!!  And, I'm happy to say, deal with it I did.  Seriously, when faced with the decision to comfort a child or run screaming from him or her because he or she is riddled with bugs, there's no choice.  You take a deep breath, pick up the child and give them all the love you can... and say a prayer that your bucket bath will remove all the bugs from your hair, etc., etc.

 

It was amazingly hot.

 

Seriously hot.  It was so hot that on the second to last day, I could no longer make knots in the rosaries we were making.  I think part of my brain melted.  I had been teaching how to make rosaries all week with Paula, and all of the sudden, I couldn't make them anymore.  We were laughing about it, but in the back of my melted, sweaty brain I was a little nervous about it!

 

I am happy to say I kept on top of sunscreening myself and didn't get a sunburn, but except for the time in the early morning when there was a little coolness, I thought I would sweat away my weight!  No such luck... but man, did we sweat.

 

 

So, you see, there is no easy answer for the question how was Africa.  Maybe I'll just print out this page and say, read this!!   It was the greatest experience of my life, one that I am sure I will experience again.

 

Thank you to Tom and Paula Radel, for your generosity, love, support, everything.  Thank you to my amazing family.  I realized in Africa that I won the familial lottery... they are the best!!  Thank you to you for reading my ramblings, for your prayers.  I hope this blog has meant something to you.  For me, it really gave me the gift of being able to process everything I was seeing and feeling.  Thank you for coming back each day and for your support of the Nazareth Home for God's Children.  And finally, thank you to God, who has opened every door and allowed me to experience the life of a missionary.  It is a hard life, but one filled with the joy of giving.  Please keep me in your prayers as I attempt to discern God's will for my life.

 

On the last night we were in Africa, we were given a party.  It was full of fun and dancing.  At the time I was wondering if they were celebrating the fact that the crazy Americans were leaving... but with the tears during our departure, I knew the celebration was for the fact that we came.  We were treated like family there.  How I love them all!  Here, I hope, is a video of the party.

 

Sorry if it's sideways...I still have a lot to learn!

 

 

Thank you for coming on my journey with me.  May God continue to bless you and yours!

 

http://www.sisterstanschildren.org

 

 





The Beatitudes

Today as I was saying my rosary, meditating on the third Luminous Mystery: the teachings of Jesus, I began thinking about the beatitudes.  I was thinking, of course, of Africa and as I thought of each of the beatitudes, I realized that while at the Nazareth Home for God's Children, I was living in a sort of beatitudinal oasis.

Now, these children receive very little education, religious or secular.  They couldn't tell you what the Corporal Works of Mercy are or what original sin is, I'm not even sure they know what the 10 commandments are.  I know they could not recite the beatitudes for me, but the simple truth is that they live it.

-Blessed are the poor in spirit... Well, duh, you might say, but just because a person is poor does
              Not guarantee that they are poor in spirit.  But these children are.  They are humble before
              God, they place all their trust in Him, and know that all that they have comes from Him.
              They live in gratitude for all He has given them, in every movement, in every prayer,
               In every gift, they are grateful.  They, who have next to nothing are grateful.

Blessed are they who mourn... There was a little girl, a baby who had hydrocephalus who died shortly
             Before we came.  It is a part of life there... I'm not sure if all of these children will reach
            Adulthood.  The sisters mourn the fact that these children were rejected by their families, and
            Also mourn that they cannot do more to help them.  But, they make it a part of their prayers,
            They accept it as part of this life, and they look forward to the next with rejoicing.

Blessed are the meek... Well, these people are meek and humble, but they are in no way resentful
              For what they do not have.  The sisters have fostered in these children the humility of Jesus
              As He accepted His Father's will to suffer and die for us.  They accept their life without
              Resentment or envy... just with gratitude.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness... Sister Stan has made it a mission in her
              Life, so to speak, to end the evil practices of the tribes of Northern Ghana who toss away
              Their children who are not "perfect".  Who among us is?  She is a force to be reckoned with.
               If anyone can do it, she can!

Blessed are the merciful... You would think that one would be filled with hatred and anger at the
            Situation these sisters find themselves in.  That they would be hateful of the families and\
            Tribes who are so careless with the gift of life they have been given.  After seeing all the
            Sweet faces and getting to know all the wonderful personalities of the children, I would
            understand that feeling.  They are not at all angry nor filled with hatred.  They are
            Forgiving.  They are merciful and loving and filled with joy.

Blessed are they with a clean heart... Oh my, what precious hearts there are in this home!  Helpful
            And loving, and although not physically clean... :-) ...their hearts are as pure as snow.

Blessed are the peacemakers... Most of the people who live in the village of Sang are Muslim.
             In many, many parts of Africa, peace is nowhere to be found, but in this little village,
             Peace abounds.  And although their new home is somewhat separated from that Muslim
             Community, I have no doubt they will continue to live peacefully there.

Blessed are they who are persecuted...I can think of hardly any other group of people more
             Unjustly persecuted than these babies and children in Ghana, other than aborted babies.
             Although humble and small, He has given them a safe haven, full of love, and for that alone,
             Praise God!!!

The sisters have created an environment where Catholic theology may not be taught, the children may not be able to recite verses and commandments, but they live the Gospels, they eat, sleep and breathe the teaching of the Church in all they say and do.

I am in the process of deepening my faith, I am learning more about Catholic theology and the catechism... but I don't know if I will ever know it as deeply in my heart as these sisters and children do.

Here are some pictures of their chapel and manger scene.  Lowly in wealth, rich in love.

Getting Back to "Normal"

So, I'm not sure how many times I've been to Target.  Maybe 300 times in my life?  Maybe not that many, but it's safe to say I've been there a lot.  Each time, I go in, shop, get what I need, and most times picking up stuff I don't need.  And each time completely unaffected and unmoved by the sheer amount of stuff there.

Yesterday I went into Target.  Now, I know I've only been gone a handful of days.  One would think a handful of days would never be enough to alter the mind set in USA mode for 41 years.  One would think it would take 6 months or a year to really open up the mind to notice the abundance of goods here and the lack there and be so affected by it.  One would think.

I was sickened by it.  I looked at the store with new eyes.  It seems I'm looking at everything with new eyes, and I have to say I'm not that happy about it.  What's so wrong with living the life you were given?  What is so wrong about having so much?  What was so wrong with the life I was living before?  And why do I feel so compelled to change my life now... because of a few orphans?  I mean, they were cute, sure, but... my whole life?

The sisters taught the children a prayer to say.  It is said each day after the Divine Mercy Chaplet:

Jesus, I love You

All I have is Yours

Yours I am, Yours I want to be

Do with me whatever You will.

 

Jesus I love You

All I have is Yours

Yours I am, Yours I want to be

Do with me whatever You will

 

Jesus I love You

All I have is Yours

Yours I am, Yours I want to be

Do with me whatever You will.

 

 

The simple fact is, I do love Jesus.  I have no idea what my new "normal" will be.  But, I do trust in the Lord.  The sisters and orphans who have no one to trust BUT the Lord taught me more about that in 10 days than I learned ever before. 

 

One of the things Sister Stan trusts in is that their new home will be finished soon.  Below are some pictures of their new home where they will have a lot more space for learning and playing, running water, (that means no more bucket baths!), a big kitchen to prepare food in and a big indoors dining room.  As you will see, the home is built, but there is nothing inside.  They are in need of so much.  If you feel so compelled, go to her website below to make a donation.  You can specify you want the money to go towards the building of their new home.  Thank You!!!

 

 

Above, the new home  Below, a guest room

Above the library Below the girls rooms and showers

Above and below, a view from behind, with lots of open space

Above a ladder I wouldnt go on if my life depended on it
Below what will be one of two water towers from which running water will pour forth

 

 

http://www.sisterstanschildren.org

 

 

  

Reentry

My traveling companion and her husband, Tom, are great missionaries, having gone on medical missions all around the world.  They have been an invaluable resource for me in terms of traveling, being a missionary, and all that is going on in your heart and mind while doing these things. I am so grateful for their help and everything they have done for me.

One of the things they have talked to me about is reentry into life after going on a mission.  It is difficult, as everything about this trip has been.  I know I was only in Africa for 10 days, but it literally felt like a month and a half!  And just coming home from the Buffalo Airport, seeing all the buildings, the traffic, all the lights... that alone sent me into a mind-numbing state!

I spent most of the day I got home at my parents house, sort of afraid to go home alone, to be alone with my thoughts of the trip I had taken.  To have all that I experienced flow over, around and into me with no one to distract me, to begin to come to grips with the fact that I have been changed... by children, by sisters who find joy amid devastation, by a country so lost and behind it's amazing they are even surviving.

I started to get really upset and hyperventilate, and then I took out my camera and mentally went back to Ghana, back to the Sang Village, back to the children whose smiles and outstretched arms welcomed me right back.

This is Ajah, also called Caesar.  He was always attached to my legs.  He just wanted to be held and hugged.  He doesn't talk, but understands everything you say.  I had an opportunity to sit and read a book to just him once, and he showed such interest in it, pointing to pictures and trying to say the words.  He was crying so hard when we left.  I even found myself picking buggars out of his nose one day!  Now, that's love!!

This is Agatha.  She cannot communicate at all.  She was one of the children who constantly hit me because she didn't know how else to get my attention.  And she tried to use signs to tell us what she wanted or what was bothering her, but no one there knows what the signs mean.  Despite the fact that she cannot communicate, she is a happy girl who peacefully listens to the prayers we said, except when Felicia was around... her frienemy!

Thomas is the youngest orphan at the home.  He crawls around everywhere and wants to be a part of everything.  He has a problem with his teeth, and they sometimes give him so much pain he just lies on a mat all day.  But when he's feeling good, he's all smiles and movement.  The babies have no set nap/bed time.  When they are tired, they put their heads down wherever they happen to be and sleep... and sometimes are left right where they are!

Isn't Elizabeth beautiful?  She is around 10 years old.  She is very helpful with the little children... when she isn't threatening to beat them (a common empty threat...I hope!). Elizabeth has bone structural problems in her feet and skeletal issues that make her walk hunched over all the time.  Despite her physical tribulations, Elizabeth is a kind hearted, joyful girl who delights in leading decades of the rosary and the Divine Mercy chaplet.   She is able to see beyond her own problems and help with bathing the kids, passing out food and washing clothes. 

This is Bishop, also called Casmir.  He causes as much trouble as it looks like he does!!  Always with that smile on his face.  He does not talk much, but understands everything.  The last day we were there, Bishop was holding a picture book like a church songbook and singing "Holy, holy, holy.". It was the first time I heard a real word from him, and the first time I saw him do anything close to angelic!!!!

Joshua is about 4 years old.  He has epilepsy When we first got there it sounded like Joshua had crickets in his mouth all the time.  He was grinding his teeth and moaning constantly.  The only time he didn't do that was when we held him.  The doctor changed Joshua's medicine while we were there and he started having non-stop seizures.  He stopped eating and drinking, in fact on the way to the hospital the second time to have him rechecked, I had to feed Joshua tiny bits of mashed up banana in the car.  We were a mess... but at least he was eating a little.  The doctor said it would take a few days for the medicine to kick in... and eventually it did, but it was a horrible few days.

 

 ******************************************************************************

Well, these are some of the children in Ghana, at the Nazareth Home for God's Children.  Someone told me that the pictures are deceiving, that everything looks fine and everyone is happy there.  So, I thought I would give you a little insiders look into life there.  The sisters work very hard to give these children a happy life, and probably one that is better than some of the tribes there.  But make no mistake, you cannot even imagine the kind of low, filthy, unbearably hard life they have.  God bless those sisters for all the work they do...  If you would like to make a donation, visit         http://www.sisterstanschildren.org

 

Thank you and God bless you!!

More to come...

 

Last night I dreamt of Africa.  I dreamt I was there, with the children, getting them food, playing with them, singing with them and praying with them.  I remember waking up in the night thinking how weird it is that I was dreaming of Africa.  I don't think I did that even when I was there!  Then I fell back to sleep, and back to Africa I went. 

I woke up this morning and looked around me and was filled with completely guilty thoughts of my warm home, my soft bed, my shower and food in my fridge.  What did I do to deserve this?  What did they do to deserve that?  Will I never not feel guilty again?  I don't know.

I keep thinking of Africa, though...of the unbelievably beautiful dresses the women wear, of the crazy people riding along on their mopeds without a thought of other drivers...even with babies on their backs (!), of the music and the rhythm of their languages...there is even a musicality in the way they speak English, of the smells, most of them bad, of burning garbage and chickens and goats everywhere.  It all seems so otherworldly.

  

 

 

But most of all I think of the children and their days, which are spent just trying to survive.  In this day and age, I find it unbelievable that there could be people starving in our world…literally starving to death.  When I think of the excess of America, all we eat, all we throw away, it is stupefying.  I know there is that old adage, eat your dinner, children are starving in Africa, well people are starving.  And I guess the question is, what are we going to do about it?  Because we must do something.  I know not everyone reads the Bible, but in it it says, to whom much is given, much is expected.  “Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more”  Lk 12:48  Not only true in terms of spirituality and morality, but in terms of our humanity also.  We have been given plenty, more than we could ever use, eat, drink, etc.  Is there something we could do?  Is there something you could do?  Think about it.  Then do something.

 

 

These children need so much: clothes that fit, medical care, money and supplies to finish their new home, and food.  Could you help?

 

http://www.sisterstanschildren.org

Hello from snowy Buffalo, New York!  Paula and I arrived safe and sound at the Buffalo Airport today around 11am, greeted by our families for a happy homecoming.  After 24 hours of traveling, we were tired, but so, so happy to see those we love so much.  Thanks to everyone who prayed for a safe journey for us!!

Although safely home, I find my mind and heart are still back in the Sang Village with those kids.  I've had a wonderful breakfast and a glorious hot shower, and I cannot help but think of the children who are right now finishing up dinner and running all around the home, using up the last of their energy before going to bed.  As promised, here are some photos of the kids:

Here are some of the children gathered for singing class with Mama Paula and Auntie Sarah.  It is in the courtyard of their home.  We are singing Boom Chicka Boom... be glad it isn't a video!!

 

This is a picture of 4 of the 5 babies: Abraham, Angela and Lucy are in the back, and

Blessing is the beauty in front.

 

 

And here is Thomas, the last baby:

 

Here are God Knows BoBo and Martha,  all decked out for church:

 

And just so you know I really was there here I am with Sister Euphemia, Alice, Martha, Sister Augustina, Solomon, Agatha and Princess Sarah 

 

 

Much love, Sarah