My grandfather is famous for repeating the saying "Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go but still you had the feeling that you wanted to stay?" I am feeling that right now, on the eve of my return to Ghana.
I have decided to go back to The Nazareth Home for God's Children for one year.
I feel ready to go. Back in January, I questioned the path I felt God was asking me to go down. I couldn't see how to accomplish it, what was He really asking me to do? Maybe I still don't know the endgame, but I do know the next step. I have given up most of my belongings, a surprisingly easy thing to do for me, and have committed myself to one year in Ghana. I will be learning how to manage the orphanage, working with the staff and older children to bake things both for the kids and to sell on the roadside to help generate money for the orphanage, teaching and working with the children with special needs and helping Sister Stan with the secretarial work involved with running the orphanage. I will be busy!! I am either totally at peace with the thought of being there tomorrow, or I am in denial... either way I am not freaking out!!!
However, I also feel a sadness in going, that I want to stay with the wonderful people I have surrounding me in my life. My family and friends... it seems so foreign to get up and leave for a year. This detachment is harder. Saying good bye to my family and close friends tonight was really difficult. And the thought of something happening to them while I am away, too far away to be of any help to them, is almost crippling. So I have that feeling of wanting to go and wanting to stay.
In the end, it seems like a good place to be, though. Looking forward to an exciting and challenging journey, and at the same time looking back at the people I love. But I realize that the people I love support me and have my back so that I can go forward. Their prayers and love will carry me through the difficult days, which I know I will face. And they will be with me each day in my prayers for them.
I am looking forward so much to seeing those beautiful little faces, now a little older, seeing their joy, holding them and loving them. So, on I go, back to Africa, this time with a new traveling companion, Mary Clare O'Brien, a recent homeschooling high school graduate. Back to Sister Stan and her children.
Once again I find myself on the precipice of major change. It is an exciting place to be!! Next post will be from Ghana!!!!! xo
